please redirect your attention to http://krixfort.typepad.com/hells_half_acre/.

Blogger was going to give me an anuerism especially since I'm out at sea right now. My connection times are few and far between. Come and see how my attempt to circumnavigate the globe is faring. . . .

The new HHA needs a little work still but at least I can post and YOU can comment! Hooray!!!

Don't hate me because I'm abandoning a faulty product, hate me because I'm beautiful.

P.S. I've got more vacation pictures up . . .

news from craiggy

Howdy:
What’s new? 130+ radio stations across the United States and Canada playing tracks from the recently released self-titled debut from Craig Chesler.

What’s new? The CD sampler in the March issue of CMJ New Music Monthly Magazine featuring “Nowhere Too Far” from the recently released self-titled debut from Craig Chesler.

What’s new? Music Connection Magazine stating “Chesler manages a collection of tunes that includes “St. Joan,” “My Baby Rose,” and “Nowhere Too Far,” which stands out for its Elvis Costello-like energy.”

What’s new? Solo Craig Chesler show at CB’s 313 Gallery (313 Bowery, New York City), Thursday, April 14, 2005, 8:00 pm.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaay Craig! Sink it!

help! heeeeeeeeeellllllllllppppp!!!!!!!

I am souring by the moment! somebody please tell me something funny! I'm begging you!!

AHhhhhhhhHhhhhH!!!!!!!

I'm dying here. All I can think about is escape!! Please send the life raft. I'm standing on this tiny little island of sanity. All around me are 18 ft. sharks and crocodiles with razor sharp teeth. They are fighting over who will get to feed. I can't tell them that I would be a sour morsel because I can't talk shark talk and can only barely get by with crocodile. They aren't listening anyway. Oh god. . .the sharks are coming up out of the water. They are evolving and growing legs and starting to walk across the beach. They are snapping all seven layers of teeth. Their dead black eyes are rolling into the backs of their heads. They are coming for me.

Goodbye all. I think this is it.
It's been fun.

Position Type: Full-Time Employee
Company Name: Phoenix Partners LLC
Location: Newport, NJ
Salary: up to $110K
Date Posted: March 23, 2005
Experience: 5-10 Years Experience


I am a capitalist sell-out fuck.

FNG and I are actually communicating today. This is new and unprecedented. Today, he is an okay guy. I am thawing.

Minerva says that is my M.O. I usually hate people and then I like them. FNG has earned my respect because he has been able to come in and kick ass. He has also backed off a bit which has enabled us to work on a more collaborative basis and is essential to creating a team of programmers instead of a shark pool.

It makes me less angry.

The first thing I see in my inbox this morning is an email from Jason's parents which makes my heart die a little. It actually turned out to be a nice email recounting the tree planting which Jason's mom, dad, grandma and grandpa participated in. Every email I receive from his mother is so kind and full of love. If my kid had offed himself I would be filled with a blinding fury and little compassion. I'm amazed at his parents's strength to bear this catastrophe.

Jason's friend Brian, who is a landscaper, said that he and Jason had often gone to the park that was selected for the tree planting and that he would have approved of the project. According to the group that organizes the comemorative plantings, the planting of the trees will help cool down the temperature of the creek and bring back wild life.

Anyway, this whole thing makes me sad. Unlike Jesus, we don't get to roll back a rock and bring our friend back. We just have to live with the void.

was closed today. I was trying to become a pod person but those wares could not be procured from the place that would accept my gift certificate. I was unable to be a patriot and participate in this great nation's number one activity. Instead I ended up at a Cole Hahn store picking up a $500.00 pair of shoes and exclaiming, "These sandals take me back to that summer in the Hamptons. Remember? When I sucked cock for a living?"

That kind of talk is not welcomed at the Cole Hahn store or in any church of consumerism for that matter. I ended up wandering the streets of soho, getting accosted by street vendors with tiny eyes, selling ugly hats. I did not tithe.

I came home and finished my skank through mordor. I have had enough of trolls and orcs for awhile.

I am tired. zzzzzzzzzz.

Happy Easter, I think. If I have to listen to one more thing about Jesus, I will go back in time and re-crucify him myself.

It sure would be great if we could make a modern day sacrifice to get us off the hook for our transgressions. I say maybe one of the Bush daughters would be a good choice. But instead, we've got Terry Schiavo.

I am not feeling generous today. The previous day's goodness has been slowly stripped away, leaving only the mean meaty parts of me which are systematically rotting.

it was chick power night last night at the local. I personally powered through until the bitter end. I just want to say that it is getting lighter a lot earlier these days. I may burn up and turn to ash if I don't start getting my vampire ass home at a reasonable hour.

Today's coma couch laying movies are:

Rushmore
Lord of the Rings (all three)

I'm not planning on moving much.

Newsworthy Note: I got invited to go to the Katherine Family Drum Circle family gathering reunion gathering thing in Sunny Southern CA!!! Actually Katherine has the most interesting sounding family and we were laughing hysterically at the prospect of me joining in the fun. Cole and his friend Ted are going to go and the anticipation of listening to Cole and Ted talk politics with some of Katherine's family members is too much to resist. I may really have to take this invitation seriously. Katherine also told me I could feel free to blog the event. I may need to get a laptop.

I don't know if I'm up for the drumming part but I figure I'll grab her brother Paul and we can go to the nearest pub. YEAH!

I need to skank into Mordor now.

Assmonkey Universe

These are words to remember:

There are no tickets givin for driving like an assmoney from another universe.

Hi. My name is gothra. I like black fingernail polish and I listen to 20 year old music from obscure bands that moan. I wear a cape. Sometimes I remove my head and carry it under my arm for safekeeping. I have a coke habit and extreme makeup. If you want to meet me, I will be at the batcave on 32nd street Saturday around 2am.

Thanks for listening.

I am feeling so generous today! I bequeath teeny tiny jewel encrusted fezzes to all my friends. Then you can all do like I am doing, which is to wear this minature sparkling fez and march around singing "turkey in the straw!"

The magic is all around. It is truly a good day!

on this special holiday weekend I pray that you will protect me from scalpel wielding undead children who wait under my bed to slice my achilles tendons. I pray that you protect me from the mean sleestack that stroll through the subway platforms looking to harm. I pray for all the little children who don't know who dirty sanchez or lucky pierre are. I pray that you keep the goblins from ransacking my billfold and replacing my hard won cash with empty ATM receipts. And lastly, oh ZOD, please strike down my enemies with your powerful lazers and teach them to KNEEL BEFORE ZOD.

Thank you zod.

For everything.

I miss this dude.

once again, keyword analysis shows that Snuffaluffagus is still sending people to my site and probably will continue to do so as long as I keep typing it.

Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus Snuffaluffagus

Like I said before, it's all about the kids here at Hell's Half Acre.

Hey kids! Do you know who Dirty Sanchez is?

Today I've decided to let my adult onset hypochondria thrive!

My cuticles are becoming unwieldy.

My foot leprosy is blooming.

My grey hair is threatening a coup.

My tonsils are choking me.

My toenails are stubborn.

My personality is lacking.

I am boring myself to death.

is what Michelle said when she sent this link.

http://pazeme.lv/hilarious/

Oh.
My.
God.

this one is for you fairy Butler.

http://www.woodlandwhispers.com/faeries.htm

there are disturbing things on the internets today. Very disturbing. I may have to go back to bed now.

Other than that. . .I LOVE HOME DETENTION!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

yes. score.

I don't have a laptop and it's a good thing that I don't because then this blog would be ree-donk-ulous!

I am transcribing this from a bar napkin. I wrote it last night when I was bored. You would think that beer would be enough to entertain me but sometimes it is not. Thanks to Scott who came in late and regaled me with stories from his playwriting class at Hunter. I get to live the master's program there vicariously through him.

Oh god shoot me now. Take the fucking feeding tube out please. I'm writing on a bar napkin and if that wasn't retarded enough, I'm sitting next to the most obnoxious people. There's a woman who looks like Halle Berry. Beautiful BUT RUDE! She's treated all my friends here like shit. Then comes the name dropping. "Do you KNOW G--- C-----!?!?! I used to DATE G--- C----!!!! That's back when I was at I.N.G.. . .blah blah blah. . .BARTENDER!!!!I need a glass of water NO ICE THIS TIME!! I swear. You'd think I asked him for liquid gold. blah blah blah. . ."

WHo the FUCK is Greg Calvino? And who the fuck cares anyway. I don't know who this Calvino person is but I DO know that writing on this napkin and listening to the White Stripes is starting to soothe my nerves. Back to Stella. I love her.

I use blogs for everything nowadays.

One thing I'm using a blog for is my Senior Research project. Right now, I've got a really simple survey that I've created where I'm trying to capture some basic information about corporate attitude toward internet chatter (weblogs, newsgroups, etc) and attitudes about internal communication within the corporation.

Anyone who stumbles across this is free to fill out the survey. The more the merrier! Even if you're not working, base your answers on your previous work experience.

You'd be helping me out quite a bit. Also, you can email me and let me know if the questions don't make sense or whatever.

Click Here to take the survey!

The more data I can gather before 4/13 the better off I am when I have to talk about my preliminary results.

If you're REALLY bored, you can look at my project blog. It probably won't make sense to anyone but me but you're welcome to look anyway. You can see what a lame ass NYU student with a full-time day job has time to throw together in order to graduate. Senior Project: Internet Backtalk

Thanks again everybody!

xoxoxo,
krixfort

Did you ever have that dream where you walk into a high school class and everyone is taking a test only you didn't know it was test day and not only that but you don't have a pen and not only that but you don't have any underwear?

well, real life is so much better than the dream world when that really happens. Okay, I had underwear. And I had a pen. And it was college, not high school. But I didn't know we were having an exam BECAUSE IT WASN'T ON THE FUCKING SYLLABUS!!!!!

I hate this jackoff. He said he didn't have a project from me. I sent my project to him 2 weeks ago. He hasn't checked his fucking email. Thank god I cc'd myself on it.

I know I'm an adult and it's my responsibility to come to class and all but most profs use the communication tools that the university provides them with to send out announcements to the class and whatnot. They also clearly state what will be covered on the syllabus and print out a schedule for exams. If the schedule needs to be changed then they announce it to the class. I emailed this jackoff because I was stuck at work and couldn't make it to class (the same day I emailed him my project.) That was the day he suddenly decided he would give an exam. Apparently, after speaking with other pissed off classmates, the guy couldn't accurately describe what he was going to test on. What a tool.
I'm pissed!

Thank Zod for making this day a school day. I get to leave this place in T minus 38 minutes. I need to sleep and feed and dissolve my brain.

who wants to see me get hazed into Delta Upsilon, the special ed honor society?

I am wary of anything greek. Especially bad feta.

help me please I am so overwhelmed right now I think I'm going to implode.

I am fending it off on all sides, inside outside backwards forwards. Today is truly one of the un-greatest days ever.

No yelling though. Just demands. too many to count.

Lion King, I think I need your help. Are you available? I will explain your tasks later.

still on the subject of clothes. . .The whole pants thing reminded me of this time I was walking down 9th street and was mesmerized by this woman's ass. It wasn't because she had a great ass or anything. let me back up a bit and tell you why. . .

It was the middle of summer and it was a typical hot sweaty New York day. I think I was unemployed at the time because I can't imagine what I was doing walking around NYC in the middle of the day. Whatever. So there I was minding my own business when I notice this glare coming from in front of me. Ahead of me was a woman of average build, wearing the summer time uniform of a female administrative assistant on casual attire day; flip flops, a cute demure top, and a skirt. The skirt was made from that stretchy rayon material that is generous to women of all body types. It's a popular fabric at H & M. She had a black stretchy rayon skirt. The problem with this stretchy rayon material however, is that it may stretch, but it gets more transparent as it does so. Anyone who's had a SHIRT made in this material knows they better have the right bra underneath and in the same color. For an example of this look gone bad, look here.

Chica is strutting her stuff along 9th street, in her stretchy rayon skirt, the rayon stretched thinly across her ass. Not only is she not wearing a slip (I get it, it's hot and humid, keep the layers minimal) but I can tell she's also wearing a thong because there is a reflection coming off the cheeks of her WHITE ass like sunlight on chrome. Her cheeks look like two white volleyballs bouncing up and down under the stretchy rayon skirt. bounce bounce bounce bounce all in stride. I stepped in right behind her. I couldn't take my eyes off the bouncing ass. It was hypnotizing.

Anyway, I broke the spell somewhere around Broadway and wrenched myself away. I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable adopting this look for myself and I'm not sure if she was going for that look intentionally but HI HOOOOO!

Talk about a backyard party!

a little while ago I had to get new jeans. I say HAD to because I'm not a shopper and I hate trying on clothes. I find it excrutiating.

Minerva finally convinced me to get some new jeans and stop looking raggedy. I went to this place on 14th street to get a basic pair of levis and there was this crazy short spanish lady working there who was determinied to sell EVERYONE in there a pair of jeans. She was a retail pitbull. She wouldn't let up! I went into the dressing room with my 3 pair limit and she was knocking on the door before I could get my shoes off.

"MAMI You let me know if you need anything OKAY? Another size or anything OKAY? You just wave your hand OKAY MAMI?"

It turns out I did need a LARGER size in the style I was trying on. I discreetly wave the pitbull fashionista over and murmur my size to her in low tones. I didn't want the size 0 french chick overhearing my concession to the gods of unrealistic expectations.

Pitbull then YELLS to her runner, "JUAN, I NEED A 515 BOOT CUT SIZE X! SHORT!! IT'S FOR LA CHICA RIGHT HERE!!!"

I immediately turn crimson and break out in a sweat. I may as well have been at the grocery store checkout and had the clerk announce over the intercom "I need a price check on the PREPARATION H and the MASENGILL DOUCHE!"

To her credit La Pitbull knew what she was doing. She was whipping me in and out of pants better and faster than any boyfirend could ever have. She finally brought over a pair, smaller than I would have chosen. "OKAY MAMI TRY THESE ONES. THEY GONNA LOOK GOOOOOD! AND THEY STRETCH! YOU GOTTA GET 'EM A SIZE SMALLER!"

I squeezed myself into the tight ass bastards and got them zipped. HOLY GOD. Mi Pitbull Loca coaxed me out of the dressing room to check the mirror. "AY MAMI! I THINK THAT'S IT! YOUR BUTT LOOK FINE!!!"

I was pretty sure you could read the writing on my underwear tag through the levi denim but I wanted to trust the expert. I walked around in them. They did stretch. They were comfortable. The junk in the trunk didn't look too bad. AND HELL, I went down a size. *eye roll*

All I can say is that someone knew what they were doing when they hired La Pitbull Loca. Mami knows her stuff.

I got invited to join the honor society at NYU.

who the fuck knew?

I did not know such things existed. Thanks to the Fairy Butler for pointing this out!


It's EL Chupacabra!!! My WORD!

OH WAIT!! IT GETS BETTER!!
MUSKRAT FEET EARRINGS!!! I must get some today.

I had chix strips for lunch. I made a little buffet of dipping sauces arranged neatly on my desk in which to dip the cold tasteless unhealthy fingers into. My favorite is ranch, followed by secret sauce (Ketchup + Mayonaise), then last is Honey-Mustard. The fries that came with the fingers were so cold and hard that they kind of tore the roof of my mouth up a little bit. That hurt. But once you dip the knife-like fries into some secret sauce, your frown will turn upside down and you will feel a little giddy. Just try it sometime! It's soooo fun!!!! :-)

I just wrote code to parse an XML document in VB.net. You don't have to know what that means but you do have to know that I just touched VB.NEt a couple of days ago and I have been struggling with learning how to use it and accomplish this task for DAYS. There may be programmers out there who say "Big Whoop. That's easy peasy. Tell me when you do something really hard." But I'll tell you what. FNG couldn't do it.

I did it.

Fuck Yeah.

Smoke it.

my shoes are too tight today. They are very distracting.

On the flipside, Mountain Man and I are discussing spy tactics and spy gear on his blog, Artistic Thoughts. If anyone has good ideas for spying, please let us know.

If spying is a viable career option then I may be switching professions. I would like to spy on deli owners because I think they are disreputable. I will out their disreputable practices. I will also narc on dumb people who act like they know it all. In fact, I have my first subject right in my sights. . .

let's hear it for the public transportation system. Something must have blown up at NY Penn Station this morning because I sat at Penn Station's bastard stepchild, NEWARK PENN STATION for an hour and a half.

Ever been to Newark? It's everything you could ever dream it would be.

Inevitably I was late for my meeting this morning. A MEETING ON TRANSPORTATION HAHAHAHAAHAHAAA!!!! How we're going to make it MORE EFFICIENT!!! BWAHAHAAHAHA!!!!

I forgot I had wrote a blog entry when I got home last night. I'm surprised I could type. Yes, my stories of my trip to Jamaica and Avenue X in the sleeper car of the E and F trains respectively, have now made the rounds of infamy in Hell's Chicken. I did correct everyone and inform them that these sleepy time stories did NOT take place this weekend.

AND for the record, I take cabs now on account of I don't want to get robbed, raped, or killt. Or stumble drunkly off the platform. Doesn't sound appealing. I like writing in my blog too much.

I actually went to *gasp* Sephora tonight *ugh* to buy this crazy bartender chick I know some Stila lip gloss for her b-day. I just felt compelled. She's a very nice girl and she left Godiva Choclate at the restaurant where I had my b-day dinner. How could I NOT? You tell me? I hope she likes it. If she doen't, I'm keeping it.

somebody read this stooopid blog and got all the dates mixed up. I went into my local and I got to hear about how I ended up at Ave. X--Coney Island and I was like "oh that was sooooo September. Not this weekend." HellllOOOOOOOO!!!! I haven't fallen asleep on the train since JAUNUARY!!

Anyway,I take cabs these days. They're okay as long as the drivers aren't pervs.

cabs. better than crabs.

I need a haircut. I am looking shaggy like this guy.


I also need waxing and binding but I'll just get the haircut first.

Imports System.Xml
Module xmlReadTest
Sub Main()
Dim textReader As XmlTextReader = New XmlTextReader("c://xml/fack.xml")
textReader.Read()
If textReader.HasValue Then
textReader.MoveToElement()
Console.WriteLine("XmlTextReader Properties Test")
Console.WriteLine("=============================")
Console.WriteLine("Name:" + textReader.Name)
Console.WriteLine("Base URI:" + textReader.BaseURI)
Console.WriteLine("Local Name:" + textReader.LocalName)
Console.WriteLine("Attribute Count:" + textReader.AttributeCount.ToString())
Console.WriteLine("Depth:" + textReader.Depth.ToString())
Console.WriteLine("Line Number:" + textReader.LineNumber.ToString())
Console.WriteLine("Node Type:" + textReader.NodeType.ToString())
Console.WriteLine("Attribute Count:" + textReader.Value.ToString())
End If
End Sub
End Module

fuck me.

another show notice for Tom Clark and the High Action Boys

The last show was good but sidewalk was a little crowded. I'll put a good word in anyway.

Tom Clark & the High Action Boys
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
10:00 PM
Sidewalk
94 Avenue A

If you want more info go to Craig's site and click on "show."

I was really going to focus on the things that are supposed to be focused on today.

But I cannot.

so here are the things I am focusing on:
Here's the website for the chick that did my tatoo, Tina Bafaro. She's in Seattle. Actually the tatoo was designed by Vyvyn lazonga. Tina was working in her studio at the time. I went back to Tina in November 2003 for a ten year touch up. The design is stylized Northwest Coast Indian art but I suppose if you had to pick a tribe whose are it most closely resembled, I'd say Haida. It's more like a Vyvyn interpretation of Haida art. Anyway, I'm Tlingit and I just wanted something that resembled the art of my tribe. My grandmother was less than thrilled, even though I told her I got it to celebrate her side of the heritage pool. Her exact words were, "Oh my god. What if you marry an executive and have to wear a strapless gown??!!"
BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!
My reply? "It's okay grandma, I already missed the debutante ball."

I have to go to the doctor. I think I have foot leprosy. And a brain tumor. Please do not rescusitate.

That is all.
Happy Monday.

I have to go to the gym this week because I will be downsizing. I'm trying to shed some pounds so I can be a cockrocker. That's right. you heard what I said.

I'm feeling feisty.
Pow pow.

soon they will put a packet sniffer on our network. Get your mind out of the gutter because a packet sniffer is not what it sounds like. . .it is software that monitors what is taking place on our network, like what internet sites people visit and the amount of email being sent and all that.

Anyways, packet sniffer = me no blog so much anymore in the daytime.

Just a warning.

IF I EVER have to be sustained by some external apparatus and there is no chance in hell that I will recover or that I will only recover in a vegetative state, I want all my friends to note that I am going to sign a DNR and/or some other kind of paperwork stating that I will only submit to life sustaining measures for a limited amount of time. This woman has been on a feeding tube for FIFTEEN YEARS. Are you crazy???? Her parents are fighting along with the federal court to keep her alive on the tube when she has sustained permanent brain damage 15 years ago??!! What are they thinking?? That Jesus is going to come down and lay his hands on her and she'll just rise from the living dead like Lazuraus? Come ON. Please. If it were me I'd be wearing a t-shirt that said "Shoot me now." I guess this is just another testament to my blantant disregard for the sanctity of human life.

Congress Passes and Bush Signs Legislation on Schiavo Case
By CARL HULSE and DAVID D. KIRKPATRICK
The approval and signing of the measure allows a federal
court to intervene in the case of a brain-damaged woman in
Florida.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/21/politics/21debate.html?th

I wrote this to a friend of mine. He was asking me about places I had lived and if I ever missed any of them. With all the places I've lived, I've always found something remarkable about them. There is always one thing that can trigger a fond memory for a place.


San Francisco: I love that area. I also loved the headlands. I lived in SF twice. The first time I had a car and I would drive up and down the coast by myself. . .up through the russian river wine country. . .down through Big Sur to Morrow Bay. When I go there now I like to stay away from the urban areas and just breathe in the ocean and the cypress and eucalyptus. Those are the things I miss about California. I miss the brown rolling hills that rolled all the way down to the Pacific. It really was Land's End. The end of all possibility and the end of westward expansion.

I'm trying to think about the things I miss about Seattle . . .if my family wasn't there. . .then perhaps I would be nostalgic for it. I miss the view when you drive down Admiral toward Alki beach at sunset. I miss the smell of over-ripe blackberries wafting into my car as I'd drive past vacant, overgrown lots. I miss the smell of puget sound that would occasionally make its way to my grandmother's back yard. I miss things about it that I can't describe. . .

Well, let me change the subject and tell you what I miss about Colorado. I miss the sky that never ends, an open expanse of blue that filled me with hope and dreams of endless opportunities. It was the place I escaped to when I first fled the northwest. I miss the colors of the southwest. . .so intense, so brilliant. And the light. The afternoon light; warm, orange, gold, firey. It made everything beautiful the way a candle can. And the storms. They could be so violent and exciting. I'd never seen anything like it before. It was so different from what I was accustomed to.

and New York. . .hmmm. I'll have to think about that one. . .I haven't written my ode to NYC yet and I'm sure that I can come up with one, as many have. Maybe that's tedious. . .people always gush about New York. . .maybe I should resist following suit. I could really gush about New York through photographs. I'm not sure my words could do it justice. When I first started roaming around Manhattan I used to compare it to the Grand Canyon, only manmade and in reverse. I've never been to the bottom of the grand canyon but sometimes, looking up sixth avenue or park avenue, I get the feeling that the manmade canyon has similar physical depth. New York lacks the natural beauty of a place like Colorado or Big Sur but it has something different.

My transplanted friends and I sometimes discuss the allure of New York. I know now I would probably not be satisfied living anywhere else. Ten years ago I had a conversation with a kid from New York that I met while traveling in Mexico. I told him I could never move to NYC because I would be eaten alive. He told me I might be surprised. Over the following years I felt like I had grown too aggressive for the West Coast with its polite mellow vibe. I had to be able to speak my mind. Maybe that is what is appealing to me about this place. I can say what I think and no one bats an eye. Soon, I'll have been here for four years which feel like four months. Prior to that, I bounced back and forth like a ping pong between all the places I mentioned before. Does this mean that I've found my home? Time will tell I guess.

I can't sleep now. I ruined myself today by all the sleeping. This is one of those nights that I'm thnakful I don't live in Hell's Kitchen because I would probably be venturing out right now, restless and listless. Instead, I'm just padding around my apartment at 12:30 am with a brain that's churning. I had to get up because I was just laying there in my bed, thinking about relationships, casual and otherwise, and what went bad and what was good and trying to define the criteria for the next round. I didn't come up with any answers. I did come up with a "where are they now" list.

Tristan: the last time I saw this kid he was on his way to Antartica, if you can believe that. I knew this guy when I lived in Colorado. He was about 19 and I was 28 or 29. While I knew him, he managed to travel to Europe on $1000 bucks and stretch his stay out for almost a year. Through family friends he acquired a housesitting gig in Paris. The house was actually a houseboat on the Seine where he was able to stay for a month, gratis, in exchange for feeding the bird or something. He went from there to some gig in the south of France, working as an assistant to a french non-fiction author who was writing some crazy book about American classic cars and teen pregnancies. Don't ask, I can't remember the details. He also worked in a vineyard, camped, and stayed with family in Amsterdam. At the time I was envious of the freedom he must've felt that he was entitled to.

(Speaking of the Dutch, they were really banging away at something today. I think they are rebuilding our apartment building from the inside out.)

There was this woman I knew in Colorado also, Cory. She was an art history professor who's husband had left her because he figured out he was gay. After that devastation, she wanted to figure out if she was gay, and I suppose I did too. It was short lived but I was very fond of her and still think about her from time to time, wondering how her life turned out.

Kelly, the rocket scientist. He left Seattle for some job in Southern CA. I googled him once and saw his name attached to some crazy Mars project. When I met him he was producing Dan Savage's local radio show and managing an apartment building. He refused to take a job that didn't have anything to do with his degree in Aerospace Engineering. At one point, he chucked everything he had going on in Seattle got in his car and drove to El Salvador. I think he liked hanging around me because I was the only person he knew who didn't think that was a crazy idea. His ultimate goal was to drive from Tierra del Fuego to Nome, Alaska. When he was through with his adventures south of the border, he signed up for semi-truck driving school. He went on the road for three weeks, criss-crossing the U.S. twice, then suddenly and surprisingly got the call from Boeing that he had been waiting for for 4 years. He ultimately got to be what he wanted to be when he grew up, a rocket scientist.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. I have lists and lists of people I've met through the years that I often wonder about.

It's 10:50 Sunday night.
Today, Minerva and I have slept through the following movies:

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Mystery Men
Office Space

Yesterday, we were put into a food coma by our sommelier friend at Becco, our de facto destination for birthday celebrations and all that. I orignally invited a small group of people but Horst took over the management of the dinner plans and extended the invite to more of my friends, which was awesome. We closed down Becco, then proceeded to close down the local, for the second night in a row.

The weekend totals in hours:
Schoolwork = 0
work work = 0
sleeping = 24(daytime hours only)
eating = 6(4 at becco)
drinking = I have lost count
Birthday cheer and general hilarity = too many gut busting hours to count

Special thanks to all participants. I was feeling especially ambivalent about the whole birthday concept this year. Dinner made it memorable. Gracias.

so last night it was 11:00 PM then suddenly it was 4AM. Then it turned light out and I was getting a sausage egg and cheese at the deli by my house.

What was I talking about for five hours. I hear this voice rattling around my head that is an echo of me last night "blah blah blah blah, I'm thirty nine, blah blah blah, it's my birthday, blah blah blah, sure, I'll do a shot. Jamesons please."

Good christ.

Today I am in for a full day of couch laying. I've already watched Napoleon Dynamite. Next on the agenda is Shaun of the Dead. Then maybe Paris Texas or The Black Stallion. OR JAWS.

I was telling Esther about my shark neurosis. I told her if she thought land sharks were a made up joke that she was sorely mistaken. I told her I would never move to Australia, home of the land-sea, one-two, punch: great white sharks and 18 foot crocs. They are really the same animal; all teeth and fastness. Their primary goal is to eat you. That's not cool. I don't like either of them and I'm not even going to pretend to.

Owww GARY!!! why are you scratching me.

Must go. Zombies are calling.

I am making the move to typepad. there are still things that need to be done. Plans must be hatched. Schemes must be made. wait a minute. schemes hatched, plans laid. that's what I meant.

it is here. . .http://krixfort.typepad.com/hells_half_acre/.

It almost looks like the real Hell's Half Acre.

This typepad. . .well, it's got a lot of fancy bell's and whistles but in order to get what I really wanted out of it, I took the super deluxe Pro option for 12 bones a month. Is that silly? It might be silly.

I'm silly.

super elastic bubble plastic
silly putty
slinky
bazooka
stretch armstrong
daredevil debbie
slime

I wish I was 10.

my brain is spent today. it is almost time to return to my cave. I'm going home and popping in a movie. I predict I will fall asleep sometime during the second act.

I sent another letter to typepad support:

I have an account on typepad but no weblog associated with the account. I am unable to create a weblog. I don't mind starting the process over, however, I want to use the login name that I'm using right now (krixfort.)

I believe this bug is something that I created during registration. I got about halfway through the registration process and then stopped at the point where I needed to enter my credit card information. I believe that I only created a user record and no associated records in the database. (I'm guessing here but if that is the case, that's probably why everything bombs when I log in. Don't you love it when a smart ass web programmer comes in and acts like they know it all. I don't.) Hopefully this info can help you troubleshoot. I want to create a weblog using your service. I want to give you my money. I want to create other people's weblogs using your service and give you their money. I can't do this until I know if your service will work for me, which right now it is not. I want to love you guys unconditionally. help me get my silly blog up and running. I promise not to be a pain in the ass.

Thank you. Good night.
Sincerely,
Krixfort

They seemed responsive the last time I talked with them but we never got anything resolved. Better than blogger.com support who said:

Errors like this are generally due to temporary problems with our servers, and if you wait a little while before trying again, Blogger should work
normally. If you continue to have trouble with it, please try clearing
your browser's cache and cookies before logging in again. We apologize for
the inconvenience, and we are constantly working on making our servers
more reliable.

For the last week Blogger has been consistently unresponsive, with hangs, timeouts, errors. Comments seem to have failed. whatever. Cleaning my browser's cache has absolutely no bearing on whether or not I can connect to your server.

Irritation. I want to bite something.

he doesn't know what FTP is. He doesn't know how it works. He types with his two index fingers. I've realized why he tries to make himself look like he knows more than anyone. It's because he DOESN'T.

it's killing my soul.

tomorrow I turn 39. which is almost 40. I am starting to get grey hairs. I am still in school. I am underemployed.

Maybe I need to climb up on a thistle and hum a jaunty tune, like the fairy butler.

I don't FEEL tardy. Class Dismissed.

blogger is a lost cause and I managed to screw up my registration at Typepad. argh.

I have home detention today and I am working on some super secret XML parsing while traversing the XML DOM. This is like spy work. I am gaining knowledge at frightening rate. The amount of knowledge escalates until it looks like the simulated war frenzy at the end of War Games, starring Matthew Broderick and that chick. I fear my head will explode soon.

that is all.

I've got a new nephew. He arrived a month early but is still a whopping 6lbs 6oz. If he would have stayed in the oven a little longer he probably would have walked out on his own.

I don't know what everyone is calling the little bugger but hopefully my sister will be a little more dilligent and new baby will not have to wait three years for a name like the cat, Gary.

Another congrats goes out to Mr. Mustard, who battled death by pick-up truck and WON!!! That's right people. Mr. Mustard is a tough puppy who needs more than a truck to take him down. He is home from the doggy emergency room and is pretty beat up but recovering nicely, according to his mom!

YAY for everyone!

sometimes I get called on the carpet for my negativity. My negativity, bitterness, and sarcasm is part of my charm. I've been honing it for years.

However, someone jostled some memories of my youth to counteract the doozy from this morning. The new memory also deals with cars, albeit less painfully so.

In 1979 I got my first boombox. It wasn't really a boombox like the super 80's style boomboxes. It was a one speaker wonder that played cassette tapes and had a handle. I dragged that sucker everywhere. This was in the time before the walkman had been released onto an unsuspecting public. Oh yeah, you could also record on it. It fucking ruled! My cousins and I had a new medium beyond the skit. We made audio skits where we interviewed Jimmy Carter:

Me: "President Carter. What's your policy on the Middle East?"
My cousin Mike: "Ah-ah-ah I talked to Ayatollah Khomeni. I got so scared, I-ran!"
(hey man. . .I was 13 and Mike 9, that's the best we could do.)

We also incorporated a lot of toilet flushing sounds. We recorded ourselves singing along to Journey.

My friend Shawn and I decided that year to walk in a walk-a-thon. I can't remember the cause, MS, Jerry's Kids, somebody. This was in the years before AIDS so it wasn't an AIDS walk (weird to think of that not being a concern.) Of course the radio had to come along for the ride. We only had two tapes and it was something like a 30 km walk. I pretty much burned the tread off my Nikes.

The two bodies of musical achievement that are permanently melded in my mind with that event are:

Van Halen's first album
and
The Cars first album.

To this day, everytime I hear anything from that Cars album it sends me back to a blistering day of traipsing all up and down Seattle, through the U district, to points north then back again through Ballard and to Memorial Stadium (is that still standing?) I remember being dog ass tired and sure that I couldn't walk another step but Shawn and I managed to pull each other along to the bitter end.

I don't even know if we collected all our pledge money. It was more of a personal challenge. Okay I'm sure we didn't gyp anybody out of anything.

Somehow we managed to gather up enough energy to go back to the Seattle Center and ride the freakishly death defying ride, the Zipper. Shawn and I could make that thing spin like no one's business. If I had kids today, they would not be allowed near that death trap. But she and I lived to make that thing spin in the most nauseating fashion.

Things that I also remember from 1979:
Brittania scrollpocket wide legged jeans.
Hot Rocks--we just listened to it a lot.
Snookie--my dog.
The Torchlight Parade.

It WAS one of the best summers.

THANK YOU COOKIE!!!


does this mean I have secured a spot in heaven?

This confirms it. I just got a fortune from a cookie that said my path in life is going upwards!!

Thanks cookie!!

Fej is scanning it in right now for me so I can prove to all y'all.

Tip for the drunk: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is very funnay at 2am. That is what I've heard.

There is a spider slinking above my desk. It's a creepy looking albino spider and it has to die. This is one case where I DO BELIEVE IN MANIFEST DESTINY.

as in the case of the mouse, if this one was meant to live, it wouldn't have crossed the line into my space. I don't ask for much space and I'm pretty easy to get along with.

Just call me Darwin's little helper.

I'm already wrestling with Typepad and I don't even have a test blog up yet. I've sent them three support questions because, hey, they're a subscription service. If I'm going to lay out money for something I want to make sure its not a lemon. We'll see how they respond.

Blogger is being somewhat friendly today. (I don't know about comments, though.) Blogger must know something is up. I'm planning a defection.

A car came really close to slamming into my taxi this morning on the way to work. I immediately flash-backed to a car accident I was in when I was 16. Suddenly, something I hadn't thought about in years was flashing through my mind in vivid detail. The oncoming car's headlights. Regaining consciousness in the smashed back of a honda civic, wondering why no one else was in the car, struggling to catch my breath, wondering why both sides of the car were touching me. Looking out the window and seeing Robin lying on the pavement with a gash in the top of her head that looked like a huge red meaty smile. Sitting on a milk crate in a 7-11, picking glass out of my hair. Seeing Corinne in the back of the ambulance with no shirt as the paramedics performed CPR to keep her alive on the way to the trauma center.

Corinne didn't make it.

When I was a depressed teen, I used to wish often, that she and I had swapped seats. That I hadn't been so pushy, that I had been more polite and let her get in first. Then she would've been behind the driver and I would have been in the hot seat.

Well. So. This is not the way I want to start my morning. I'm sorry that the event occurred. I'm sorry that I was pushy, Corinne. But I'm not sorry that I survived. I'm just not sorry about that at all.

OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!OhPlease!

Come soon spring.

I want you all to take a serious look at this and decide for yourself.

ManBaby

I'm serious.

No I'm not. I cannot stop laughing. There are tears. Perhaps I am not one who can truly appreciate art anymore.

blogger.com is the real battlefield.

blogger won't let me talk to Mountain Man. He is stuck in an evil beige cube somewhere in the wilds of society. The cublings mistreat him and he has panic attacks. The Mountain Man is wack but charming. That is what it is to be a Mountain Man.

Dark forces are at work today. AGAIN.

I must get back to my wizardry and make that SQL more efficient. I have no time to battle with dark forces. Besides, my boss is going to be pissed if I don't get my robot ass in gear.

The power of ZOD is ever reaching. Since I've been such a devoted follower, I have been rewarded. With ZOD as my silent partner, I have WON the programmer war. My methods will be the ones used for the new project.

This is because I rock.

I am doing a dance of joy. Internally.

Thank you. Good night.

In the next six weeks I will be picking up some serious robot skillz which will increase my robot market value. And to quote a Troll, "since I don't know anything, I'll be better off." I'm gonna smoke this shiz-nit for breakfast. Then I'm blasting out of this place in hyperdrive.

one of my allies in robot land is a sought after commodity. I may have to drag on his robot shirt-tails as a lifeline out of here. We are very compatible robots, not unlike R2-D2 and C-3PO. I don't know if he feels the same way or not since I have had a bad robot attitude. But he and I have had some collaborative robot efforts that have done a lot for the common good.

is this thinly disguised enough?

I got a response to my robot documents on DICE.com that was for a new robot assignment. But the assignment was still in the wrong galaxy. I am looking for an assignment in the galaxy of NYC, not BFE, NJ.

that is all.

today's NYTimes article of interest:

THE MESSAGE MACHINE
Under Bush, a New Age of Prepackaged Television News
By DAVID BARSTOW and ROBIN STEIN
Government-made news segments have been broadcast on local
television stations without acknowledgement of their origin.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/03/13/politics/13covert.html?th

-----
an additional comment on the Ari Fleischer junk from yesterday.

After I read the transcript of the press conference to Minerva, she brought up the question, "Well, is the government supposed to enact laws governing how people conserve?"

In reading the transcript, this is how Ari Fleischer spun his answers to the reporter's questions about American lifestyle being one of the root causes of the petroleum/energy problems. I agree with Minerva in that I don't want the government in any more of my shit than it already is. I don't believe that Fleischer's answer spoke to the question that was being posed. The real question is how would this administration promote a more globally, environmentally, conservationally conscious country. What I would like to see is an administration who at least gives more lip service to conservation over consumerism. I don't believe in manifest destiny. The most economically vital country does not win all the gloabal resources. That's what I take issue with in that press conference excerpt.

Anyway, liek I said before, this is old news. I'm harping about something that was said 4 years ago. The attitude hasn't changed in four years. It's still God, Guns & Guts. To hell with the Kyoto treaty. Why should we work to cut down on greenhouse gasses if it impacts our ability to buy cheap gasoline?

Whatever. I can't talk about this anymore.

This is old but too hilarious to resist. It's a 2001 press briefing by Ari Fleischer, where he was answering questions about gas prices and US energy policy. He isn't still employed by any chance is he?

Q Is one of the problems with this, and the entire energy field, American lifestyles? Does the President believe that, given the amount of energy Americans consume per capita, how much it exceeds any other citizen in any other country in the world, does the President believe we need to correct our lifestyles to address the energy problem?

MR. FLEISCHER: That's a big no. The President believes that it's an American way of life, and that it should be the goal of policy makers to protect the American way of life. The American way of life is a blessed one. And we have a bounty of resources in this country. What we need to do is make certain that we're able to get those resources in an efficient way, in a way that also emphasizes protecting the environment and conservation, into the hands of consumers so they can make the choices that they want to make as they live their lives day to day.

Q So Americans should go on consuming as much more energy than any other citizens in any other countries of the world, as long as they want?

MR. FLEISCHER: Terry, the President believes that the American people are very wise and that, given the right incentives, they will know how and they will make their own right determinations about how much they can conserve, just as the President announced last week that the federal government, as part of its consumership in California will reduce energy needs -- for example, the Department of Defense facilities in California, by 10 percent. He believes the American people, too, will make the right decisions about conservation and the program he will announce shortly will also include a series of conservation items.

But the President also believes that the American people's use of energy is a reflection of the strength of our economy, of the way of life that the American people have come to enjoy. And he wants to make certain that a national energy policy is comprehensive, that includes conservation, includes a way of allowing the American people to continue to enjoy the way of life that has made the United States such a leading nation in the world.

so fuck all y'all. bring on the fossil fuels. YEEEEEEEEE HAW!

Read it in context, if you want.

next saturday I will be 273 in dog years.

Minerva's cat is 3 years old and has finally been granted a name.

His name is Gary.

Just so none of you think that I am an uber-cyber-nerd-geek, I wanted to assure everyone that I DID get some human contact in this week. Wednesday AND Friday. I interacted with other Homo Sapiens, and possibly a Homo Erectus. Homo Erectus was really a throwback. Talk about retro.

I just wanted to calm your fears that I have not become merely a ghost in the shell.

It's grandma's birthday today so everyone wish her a happy birthday would ya?

I decided not to anything on the list of things I might possibly do this weekend. So far, all I've done is watch The Incredibles and eat some shrimp. Now I'm going to step away from the computer and not touch anything electronic until Monday.

bye.

Today I waited for a taxi with a sophmore from West Point who breathlessly explained to everyone at the cab stand how excited he was to go to Iraq. He lectured us on what was wrong with the irrigation infrastructure and the petroleum infrastructure and how excited he was to be able to go there and get the chance to help out. He said he would go into the infantry when he graduated because he was training to be an interpreter.

The other night at Grays Papaya I saw a young kid, around 20 or so, military haircut, dressed in fatigues, with what looked like a newly amputated leg. I say that because of the seeping bandages. I don't know if he was a soldier or not. Something tells me there is a possibility that he was. That's how I interpreted it anyway.

well, since I didn't check out Christos carwarsh, maybe I'll do some other overblown art type thing like go see the Diane Arbus retrospective at the met.

Or maybe I'll get my haircut by the Korean Rock stars.

Or maybe I'll go to the chili cook off at my friend's bar.

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xoxox
blogger.com

whatever blogger. I hate you. We used to be friends. You have ruined my day. I was going to tell Mountian Man he should not eat the cookie and just go ge