someone on the rant and rave section of the NYC craigslist posed the question, what would you do with your own monkey. Not believing monkey to be a euphemism for anything other than a monkey, I posted my response. (Mark dared me to.)

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/rnr/55530519.html

I was about a day late in responding to this thread so I don't believe there are any responses to my response. And since the post expires in 10 days, like bad milk, I'll recreate it for you lovlies below:

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Date: 2005-01-13, 3:00PM EST


Hey. Monkeys can take pictures. Here's documentation on the subject.

Anyway, I'd get a monkey to do my job. The monkey wouldn't have any problem learning how to do it. I could probably just get a retarded monkey to fill in for me. Then I would hang out all day, riding the subways and making up little stories about people. Every now and then I'd two-way the monkey on its Nextel.

Beep beep "Hey monkey. It's me. Are you looking busy?"
beep beep "ooo."
beep beep "Well don't look too busy. You have to learn how to manage expectations more efficiently."
beep beep "ahh. ooo ooo."

Then after a hard days work, monkey and I would go for a beer. I'd get a Brooklyn Lager and monkey would order a PBR and then we would argue about the merits of craft beers, monkey preferring the mass produced canned variety.

I'd teach monkey to smoke and feed monkey doritoes. Monkey would sue me for abusing his health.

>>I'd train my monkey to do reconaissance work that I could then cash in on. Climb up your building and take photos of you cheating on your wife. Yeah, and also have him scoot around on the subway taking panty shots. When people get offended or upset I'd just lie, That's not a real camera, besides what kind of idiot thinks a monkey can take a picture. Humor him, he's a fucking primate. Sheesh.

this is in or around monkeyville
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